... just when i thought dreams dont really come true...

OMG!! finally!!
had a 1hr solid chat with my parents..
didnt know it'll take that long!

hahhas, im glad things turn out for the better (:

the final verdict:
-they'll fork out $7k ONLY. period.
-living expenses & miscellaneous i've to pay for it..
-but they dont let me work LOL
-managed to negotiate work for once a wk?
-but they'll pay my share first, then i pay them back....

then now 2 more obstacles:
-swine flu pls stop!!
-let's hope i get in (((:

and then... welcome to my dream (:
being where i wanna be ((:

Love Becca.

becca (: ♥ 10:24 PM



miserable!!

a student's life SIMPLE?
EFFF THAT..


seriously ive never thought being a student would be so hard...
adults like to complain, enjoy while u can...
cuz the working life isnt that easy and all...

WHAT THE CRAP!

our life isnt as good either...
and i dare say WORSE..

becux u guys probably forgot how it feels to suffer like a student!


students are just all about studying and school...
EFF THAT TOO!!

.
.
.
its not like i dont wanna put myself in your shoes...
but sometimes mine are already so big and heavy...
and i cant even lift it up to put into urs!

how about you trying out mine instead??

i never imagine me as a student...
having to..
-check out cpf enquiries
-visit tutors for help day-in day-out
-check edusave/psea accounts
-get scolded by cpf staff..
-have to buy urgent stuff but there's a 30-pple Q, then tmr how??
-rushing against time, to complete my 7 impt things to do by tonight!
-then check tp website
-call ms mariah, look for her no.
-settle work schedules
-settle that stupid French class that has 12 pple at hand and dont wanna start!!
-budget all my meals like SHIT seriously!


there's just sooo many things to do...
and it's just basic admin stuff..
and where's my project work time going to fit in?
WHERE ON EARTH'S MY BREAK FROM LIFE...

seriously... im more than breaking down..
and if parents dont understand,
i dont know who else will...

it's like F-I-N-E..
FINE!

im actually sorry i even thought of depending on you...
to help me buy the liner, contact the French teacher, blah blah blah...
forget it...
since you're busy too, u've your own stuff...
SAY SO...
say u cant help.
better than me thinking someone's helping me out..
that part of life is settled and so on...

i live my life, i get by myself...
that's it..
even if i die out halfway,
so be it.


IM SOOO TIRED...
it's only the 3rd wk of school...
and im already slping late and falling sick...
and racking my brains on things not even inclusive of projects!!
and my dont-know-how-many episode of tears already..

God! take over pls...
it's so damn tiring...
and not like i can do anything...
and im not like asking for money to fly down from Heaven...
but i only ask for them to understand...
at least i did try to understand them...
the money is soo not a gd start though...
but oh God.
i cant do this alone...
i'd probably have gastric, cough, and maybe cancer then....
and i'd never imagine myself crying for things like this...
God help!
only you can do this.
its more than over my limits alrdy!
in Jesus' name, Amen.


Love Becca.

i wonder if Disney is really worth all this...
but i know i wanted it so badly that it makes me keep going..
until God stop me..

becca (: ♥ 5:49 PM


Wednesday, May 06, 2009
oh wells?

i just feel like blogging...
although its still the same few/many things in my mind..

i think all these things can really gimme a good big headache!
LOL really.
a disease of thinking too much..



let's give you a preview of just wads running in my head right now!

-OSIP chat with parents tmr night!
[will determine my fate right away, can just imagine my dad NO-ing all the way manns )):]

-the talk with Ms Mariah was pretty good..
she understands how we feel and i can see her trying her best to help (:

-what will i do if i dont go for Disney?
Maldives is not even a cfmed opening...
and applying for OSIP is a risk as i'll be given remainder placings in Sg!!

-err im getting fat and losing stamina!!
hahas, i needa go for runs before napfa manns... HELP!
i used to be of really good stamina though...
that is before my medical milestone LOL!~

-listening to LoveStory cum VivaLaVida every day/night/time i have on comp...
truely a drug i got hooked onto!! :X
hahas, esp when now i have the dl vid oops!!
but it just makes me full of feelings...
at one point it makes me feel like crying, then i wanna smile and laugh... wth!

-and looking at the time...
i actually have NO TIME at all...
gtg meet my proj mates @ Haw Par Villa at 1pm..
im soooo not going to Chinatown to meet them and then come back to the WEST!!

-after field trip.. gtg CG...
lucky i'll be just 20mins busride away ((:

-talking about CG...
i havent print the song sheets..
erm more like havent even create a doc for it!! :X
OOPS!

-talking about things to do...
so many DOCS to prep for SIP stuff!!!
resume done, cover letter done.. only for Disney actually :X
and i actually did a namecard for myself for fun...
and im so liking it!! blue and simple ((:

-talking about things i WANNA do!
i soo wanna play that song and piano...
and master it mann (:
and still, will anyone play it for me just to see?? ((:

-and yes, I NEED MONEY...
ive never been so desperate for money before...
becux i believe i dont really need so much $$
earn and spend, save a bit and be happy (:

-working this Friday & Sunday!
have a few missions hahas!

-PROJECT WORK...
omg, i havent even figure out what to write for Target Mkt!
err, although i already have an outline...
but i think i need the research from today HAHHAS!

-ESSAYS omg...
osip essays... not touched at all...
TWO 1000 word essays somemore..
had the outline already though...

-and... IM GG TO BE LATE...
shall end the preview now (:

-oh, and met Yushi ytd night for dinner...
although i left really hurriedly...
cuz im eating dinner here while my dad's waiting to fetch me..
to eat dinner at home :X

BYEBYE


Love Becca.

becca (: ♥ 10:06 AM


Tuesday, May 05, 2009
my fate?

hahhas, just finished chatting with Ms Mariah...

is like from scared of the outcome (figures)
to become errr am i even meeting her after all...

because, of miscomm we met at 11.40am instead!!
but okay lahs, at least she called back
and i happened to be just outside the staffroom giving one last shot!!

hahahs, i'd say it's a realistic talk..
let's break down the figures k?
i guess this post is just for Mummy to see..
(that's if she even gets to see it at all LOL)

$7,794

lets say i give you back majority of my pay
(less other course expenses & accommodation)...
eating cupnoodles everyday LOL..
-$1,500 = $6,000

lets say im so lucky to get all the subsidies...
1) TP $1,000
2) KTIOP $1,200
3) Edusave NO IDEA?

$3,800

refund of the tax.. (maybe only)
17.65% of pay...
-$50= $3,750??

this is i guess...
the compulsory must fork out money... X:

let's say i work like shit...
weekends blown away with a tornado??
even OT and all..
$6.5 x 12hrs x 2days x 4wks x May-Jun-Jul-Aug??
$2,500
yah right...
HAHAHHAS!


SIGHS...
tell me...
is it really that worth it?


Love Becca.

becca (: ♥ 12:31 PM



omg finally!!

i totally zonked out from the world till now...
and now that i realise...
eeeks! IT'S ALREADY 12.35AM!!!


hahahs, im damn happy i just finished..
-my resume
-my cover letter ((:

im sooo NOT touching it again...
ZZzZz!


btw, im falling ill again...
my sorethroat got worse from Sunday..
and there's that bitter taste again...
grrrr!
if i get a fever, pple will think its SWINE FLU manns!! )):
then i'll kena ostracised )):

anw, i hope i can see doc @ polyclinic @ wed morn!!
HOPE.


and thank God for the pple who care ((:
hahhas you know what?
after reading my blog...
CheeSeng (colleague) msned me the whole vid of LoveStory cum VivaLaVida...
[32mb]
WHAHAHS!

and can lahs...
im not sad liaos (:
cuz i'll just accept it after i really gave my all...
which is...
TOMORROW'S MY FATE LIAOS...
going to meet Ms Mariah @ 11am :X
scared also...
it will determine the final figure,
and whether my fam can afford or not... :X

anw, off to bed...
AFTER... i finish a few more things :X


Love Becca.

becca (: ♥ 12:35 AM


Sunday, May 03, 2009

OMG.

i can only say hear-listening Jon Schmidt's Love Story cum Viva La Vida..
(instead of sight-reading cuz of i dun have the scores)
is really superbly...
AWESOME fun!!

hahahs just awhile of blasting music ahhas..
i wouldnt say i can play it on my own DUHH..
but i can say i learned 50% of it ahhas!
and i love the piano part for Viva La Vida ((:

i really wanna watch somebody play it ahhahs!
*hints hints* anyone?

becca (: ♥ 4:26 PM



((:

wahs seriously like drama transition manns..
from previous post to this one...
which is only about 12hrs away woooh~

kk.. i want this to be a happy post!
i dont care!!


HAPPY LITTLE MIRACLES... ((:
blessings in disguises!

1) ytd.. was late for sch by 30mins
but i was just in time to hear the full OSIP part (:

2) ytd.. was ps-ed by Zilra clique )):
but May was there for me, and the HTHT of 4hours, is like the best thing ever happened ytd!

3) ytd.. was super depressed by osip $$ issue, cried like shit..
but Huiqi was there just to listen to my rants, and always super optimistic!! ((:


other random happy things..

4) i got my testimonial from Mrs Tan today.. made me smile!
short and sweet... damn nice of her!! God bless her ((:

5) the Jon Schmidt song finally worked ytd night...
as i hear i keep crying, but it really cheered me up..
the magic of music, u'll never understand! (:

6) directioned..
i pulled myself together.
im going to try my best, give all i have..
and worked my ass off..
i cant get 7K of cux...
(and b4 my mum makes the fig. looks bigger than it already is)
i promise to work every week as much as i can..
projects first of cux..
but i told them, if i can get 1K...
1K also good. (:
i dunnit to use ur $$, i'll find a way to..
[dejavu, i dreamt i said this to them last night!!]


more random happy things i 4gt to mention last time!

7) Mothers' Day picnic @ Sbg Park!
hahahs, pretty cool other than im dead tired..
its my idea u know.. (:
BUT i end up sleeping there straightafter our salads and wine...
errr, damn freaking tired aft nightcycling!!!!

8) Nexo Nightcycling!
super cool group of 77 people...
but surely a road hazard!!
hahhas, Matthew led us, he's really quite zai
(as in really got print out the directory all that!!)
though alot of us will rmbr him changing direction suddenly!!
and there's a few minor casualties!!!
too big group liaos, hard to coordinate, nearly lost my voice again!!
damn worried that night!
chiongster, until my headache came again..

9) Yushi Monthsary
hahahs, super cool can.
had a simple dinner..
hearts, cards and cake!

10) Visitations on Qi Ming Jie!
this is the 1st time my fam is going to pay respects!!
visited my grandma..
then the older ones go visit some granduncle/grandaunt..
then dad pei me visit Clifton..
brought some flowers there too (:
then we all gathered for lunch at some Ampang Yongtaufoo place!


other blessings (:

11) Prata-ed with my CG mates @ Bukit Timah on 29th..
funny bunch hahahs!
and they treated me, and drove me home!!
sweet can (:
and they truly love to sing, omg and can sing!
-admires-

12) CG singing on last Wed, 29th
hahahs, really cool, i had my voice...
for some reason, i really sing for since damn long liaos!!
GuoZheng played the guitar..
and all of us really sang like we never before..
hahhas, just love the feeling (:

13) great catchup sessions with all my gd frens (:
mayrissa, huiqi, janH... and counting!



UPDATES
although just now i cried like shit again...LOL
but now ive a temporary direction again... (:

this whole morning..
woke up like a grumpy zombie..
kena nagged out of bed as usual,
but last person up first person out of the house!
and i totally never spoke a word at all!!!
dao-ed both my parents... zzz

then at church..
i keep singing and crying all the way...
hoping my dad never see..
then faster go toilet wash up ZZZZ

then at lunch..
i brought up the osip topic again..
saying that i'll see Ms Mariah on Tues/Thurs...
and if really cmi, then i'll give up!
BUT b4 i can say anything, mummy started the $$$ issue again...
and i just screamed at her ))):

so there's that..

BUTTTTT...
im happier now, cuz i've established what im going to do, when i'll give up..
i'll just do the 1000word essay, cuz it makes me feel that at least ive tried!
and i'll just meet Ms Mariah to get some figures in black & white i HOPE!
then if everything crashes, fine, i take that as a FULLY closed door,
and wait for the more beautiful window to open ((:



Love Becca.
thanks for the lovely people who stand by me always.
especially my Father in Heaven, Huiqi, May (:

becca (: ♥ 2:08 PM