Monday, June 28, 2010
deal with it becca. deal with it!

oh God, may i stop emoing already.
and thinking so much that i just turn into stone in front of others -.-

i hate abundance of time
once again i just have to re-emphasise how i hate to be bored? idle?
the reason being,
i just tend to let my mind run loose.
until it cannot be collected back ):

sighs.
cried my way home as a result.
silly becca )));



THOUGHTS
THAT TOOK THE SUBWAY IN MY BRAIN VESSELS TONIGHT...

it all started with a list of things to do/ ask/ clarify, at work.
and then i got damn PEK CHEK!
bcuz i'm still left hanging,
not knowing if i get to celebrate my bday on Sunday or not -.-

i hate to wait.
i hate to not know what i want to know.

then, i made a list of things i really dont like.
1) red-tape -- having to wait for approvals/ responses from useless people before action is taken. so loser!

2) paranoid people -- what the hell. just get it done with for heaven's sake. so scared for what.

3) -i forgot this one- but for the record, i really dont like gossipmongers of each other -.- & sarcastic people, where i see a hyperbole of that at work now -.-


then, i thought about my decision to move on or not.
and as usual, the left-brained way would be to calculate opportunity cost.
seriously gave me such a frown.
and im giving serious thought about doing part-time somwhere & private-piano-teaching to choke some savings to at least $2k a month. sighs.

meanwhile, my brain drifted away to contemplate if i should really go Aussie to do my long-awaited degree?
and is $60k really worth it.
and where am i going to find this $60k?

i know God will provide eventually..
but wait for it to drop from Heaven?
or look out for opportunities and find ways now?

but it inevitaby lands my face in a frowning puddle ):


then, i thought about my fb status for tonight, to summarise my day... (:


which also led me to thinking how i should celebrate my birthday this Sunday.
ticking off the list of people i wanna meet. (:
and actually, i plan to have no plans this year..
to save for my 21st.
and to also, just have it plain simple,
or let the others do the planning for that matter...


but then, i was damn sad when eyecandy couldnt meet me.
fine, nevermind, it's not his fault that i never book him earlier ):
-i was waiting for confirmation of my stupid offday. thnks for screwing me up.-


then i thought about alot of stuff.
esp the ones which have been haunting me recently.
-nostalgic memories. sighs.-


and that's when the tears just come.
i seriously am amazed how chokingly hard tears come when you're sad,
as compared to when you're angry. LOL.
that one somehow is like waterfall, and for what siah. -.-
i hate it when i cry when im angry! -.-




sighs.
will my brain just give me a break now?



LOVE BECCA (:
deal with it becca. deal with it.

becca (: ♥ 11:56 PM


Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Abracadebra, rise from the dead, blog!

welcome back to myself! lol.
ooh i miss bloggin!
now that FB has taken over alot of my 1hr before i sleep...
(also, a faster way of ranting)


okay, MASS UPDATES!


WORK has been a major whirlpool...
sucks up my energy like mad.
sucks up my time.
sometimes, sucks up my smile too.

it's been a relief this month after settling down.
time sure flies, it's almost 2 mths this end of June!
(and i sure did promise myself to make my decision soon >.<)

but recently things are getting sucky again.
seriously, i think people here have PMS,
especially the GUYS! for heaven's sake.
first ego, now pms, what's next that i'm yet to discover??

oh wells, my first month was hard.
because im just not being me at all.
it's so hard to be myself there! ):
the usual ask-alot-of-qns, high yet super serious Becca just withdrew..
immediately intimidated by the alien environmt. -.-

fact is, i still love my job.
i love fnb for what it is - the root of teamwork in the industry, the guest interactions, my comfort zone somewhat..
i learn alot considering i just switched from Western to a total doomster Japanese service line...
i learn alot from tough times and made-tough times too.
-definitely a new experience, new ground covered-

over here, i really learn to read people too.
profile as what Moses would say.
i dont think i do it too well/ fast enough at first.
but these days, there's no point sulking at made-spoilt milk..
becuz you've just got to understand the making of some idiots.

over here, i really really miss Moses' wise words about Leadership.
i totally didnt bother to memorise what he said.
but they just sparked up in my memory,
as i see real-life examples of helpless leaders. -.-
its not a time to gossip & mock them.
but rather a sad thing. really.

Life here was really dead. WAS.
from my first impression, it was really lifeless here.
there's just every reason not to smile.
and you just dont understand how they survive in the service industry.
just depressing, demoralising all the time...
oh wells, i got by by looking for my own reasons to smile..
-nahs, i dont have a crush or an eyecandy at work to make me smile everyday. you wish-

and i often look forward to my offday.
because it is the day i get to mix with people who are real and alive.
it's like replenishing your soul with laughter and joy once again.
so desperate was i ): oh wells.

hehs, i shant go into details of my mishaps.
i believe everyday is a brand new day.
and shit that happened the day before will remain ytd.

just some people issues.
i really cant imagine how sarcastic someone can be.
and this is the 1st place that people literally GOSSIP everywhere they go!
and also a place of smart-alecs and busybodies..
its like going to war everyday, you need ammunition & mental-prep. lol.

but the thing that gets me is.
this place doesnt believe in TRAINING -.-
that goes against whatever i've literally learned all my life..
and making mistakes is a no-no, lest someone gets into trouble..
and you just have to struggle to learn/grow sighs.

things that cheer me up,
music from my hp literally makes my day.
i survive on this literally please!
occasional smiles from the kitchen staffs.
the random passersby who greets you!
the next-door receptionists who agonises with you.
the self-inspiring notes and reminders to self.
looking forward to my offday.
surprise visits from friends/ family or bump-intos.
-that's all-

i'm yet to decide to stay or not.
but i know i'm doing my best every day.
i'm not afraid someone who take over my place.
i'm not afraid to teach whatever i know, because its the legacy i leave behind (:
i tend to swallow disasters that others stir up randomly.
i tend to swallow random outbursts of temper due to pms and small mistakes.
because it's always an issue of ego, and it's pointless proving your point.
i learn that somethings does not need to be explained/ clarified, save your breath.
i learn that so long as you've a clear concscience, your intentions are good, have no fear let the music be just passing wind to the ears.

lastly, i still believe what goes around comes around.
do watch out (:

------------------------------------


moving on nowww...
SOCIAL LIFE is still as awesome (:

although i've been having more late nights, stayovers in this month, than i've ever had in my entire life!
but it really keeps me going :D

## Zadaz chalet just ended recently,
although my hours were real short,
stolen from my sleep actually.
and although it was mostly drinking sessions.
i had fun, and i just feel happy being around my dearest freshies :D

on the 2nd night,
i wish i had the energy to stay up and just scream my lungs out at the songs that made the others so highhh!
but i literally just toh at the kitchen floor.
with no energy to scream even when i saw a lizard above my head!
cui! -.-

## just before this, is the Church Camp i attended.
amazingly, 4 days was approved!
1 offday, 2 PH, 1 unpaid leave.

we went to KL, the youth stayed in Hilton hotel.
it was fun and just felt so good to be out of Sg for awhile. (:
mum & dad surprised me last-min with a new phone too!! :D

movie night was fun, as i dressed up as Esmeralda again ((:
heh, but not everybody was spotting enough.
it made my night to see a Phantom of the Opera though. LOL!

didnt spend much. mostly on food?
had my favourite Msian waffle brand,
and sipped cocktail at the bar with my sis (:

Sunway Lagoon was awesomely fun.
though free time was only 2hours -.-
didnt get a tan though. ):

## Clique meetup was the bomb.
just so happy to see themmmm :D
met up to celebrate Jan's birthday THRICE!!!
- random Sunday night dinner @ Holland V
- night-before surprise @ Macs
- Clubbing night for bday girl

hopped down to support GMS at BPP too.
was happy to see the singers.
just unfortunately unable to hear them sing ):
but yeahs, at least i got to take photos with the future-superstars. (:
-at least i made a presence LOL oops!-

## Zadaz go fly kite!
hehs, eyecandy a.k.a. loserfreshie made me tour round Singapore.
and look like a mental idiot in long sleeve/pants @ Marina Barrage!!
but i did what i came for.
take photos, make my presence. hi-byes (:

eyecandy still owes me one. but dont wanna admit it ):

## oh boy oh boy, did i forget Eyecandy Meetup on my offday!
hehs, an awesome lunch @ BBQ Chix.
then went to K for $8nett!!! with Sophia & Eyecandy :D:D
silly eyecandy so shy infront of the mic.
and oh boy, at a certain note, he really really sounds like my prev crush. -.-
why is it, they all always have something in common!



hehs, i think that's about all luhs.
most of my first few offdays were spent in TP.
looking for freshies, just lepaking, sneaking into lib, helping freshies with their hmwk etc.
basically, stalking eyecandy. not. -.-

oh. but i really wanna thank eyecandy for being there for me.
during my 1st month of hell,
he really listen to all my rants lehhhs! *touched*
i would've died then, when my family & clique were totally not free ):



yup. and regarding my work.
i really need to find additional income if i still wanna go Uni.
i really dont know how's that gonna happen.
but i know God will provide.
though, i really hope to do private-pianoing on a hope-to-fix offday :X


just one more last thing..
my birthday this year.
surprising, but i really plan to "leave it to the floor".
hehs, tired of planning/ lazy to plan,
but i really wanna save resources for next year, my 21st!! :D
and i almost forgot to request for offday, bcux i totally didnt know abt my bday coming so sooon! -.-



alright.
nights world.


LOVE BECCA (:

becca (: ♥ 12:52 AM