sometimes you walk a long long way... you wish you could know all the answers right away & promise to memorise the lessons. but you cant seem to find an easier way out. very tired, brink of giving up, you cant see the end of it ...and then finally you see the light to better things. you wished it could have come earlier & save you the shit/ tears/ pain. but then realised, its the journey that counts. and you cannot have it any other way. you look back, and realised how you've grown. (:
sometimes you end up blaming God. blaming people ard you whom you love. blaming yourself. but this is life.
if not pain, what is hope? if not suffering, what is joy & contentment?
-just a random ponder (:-
曾经...
包含着一种经历以及过去.
一旦勇敢地放下了, 只能回想着当时而无遗憾的向前走 (:
-ytd night's random thoughts..- *it's hard, but everyday i try my best (: it feels a lot better now at least (: i can do it. even if it takes forever.
Love Becca (:
becca (: ♥
4:49 PM
Saturday, January 22, 2011
my busy week...
last week was busy shit.
only managed to dinner home on wed and only wed! still, i reached home after sunset ):
Monday was monthly meeting, followed by Harry's *becux our very nice CEO decided to treat every staff to the 1st drink @ Harry's bar. HOW AWESOME!?!? (never to be found in my industry >.<)
had an awesome time with my colleagues too (: and my mgr treated us. we kinda ate more than we drank! LOL.
and i guess the frictions btwn me and one of my colleague kinda dissolved there (: *she's a nice friend, a terrifying colleague hahahs.
Tuesday & Thursday was dance pract for Friday's Ang Pow Night! i really hate it when we drag drag drag, and start really late & end really late. i was really headaching all the way on thurs due to lack of rest.. ): *survived on panadol once again..
but it was an awesome experience. i really got to know my colleagues & mgrs' other side (: got to know their ex-colleagues too...
we did That Thing You Do mambo-style, plus some crazy chinese oldies hip song, plus the traditional gong xi gong xi... (:
had a crazy and fun time (:
the actual day itself was really an eyeopener. i was like interviewed by okto too =.=
just so suay, alot of things cropped up during branch hours, causing us to be late for the event briefing... lol. cabbed there, rushed our rehearsal... on the actual thing i think i kinda did some wrong steps lol!
*but overall, i really enjoyed myself :D
its damn cool & qiao that of the 3 volunteers on every table, 2 of which on mine, plus ME, are ex-BQT servers! *hahahs, the staff were so blur & lousy literally, but they were damn nice since we were literally doing their job for our table...
cabbed home with my boss' boss... and a lady i met on Wed @ HR Event... they paid extra for the cab... (i earned $5!)
Wednesday... i was like, shuang no need to work on 2nd day of CNY Notes exchange! but wrong, had so many implications procedures =.=
anyway although i was warned that it would be boring... i had a great time in fact!
the trainers to me felt like some sort of MATURE & PROFESSIONAL GL! LOL. made alot of new friends, across depts. and had games & all.
but one thing struck me the most.... at one part, it felt exactly what i imagined the SIA 3rd/4th round to be like... it freaked me a little, considering my phobia ): if it was true, i knew i performed the worst, considering i decided to take a back seat... it was creepy. but i eventually opened up (:
mostly i enjoyed myself. BUT the JOURNEY WAS TERRIBLE!!!! its so hard to go to Mapletree Business City from where i live! WORSE than travelling to sentosa! ):
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CNY LOOT (: *actually let's add the Christmas ones in..? makes me happier hahahahs!
in summary, i recently bought....
-1 maxi from bugis -1 pair of heels (That matches my handbag!)
-3 dresses from pasar malam -1 belt from johnlittle sales -1 pair of normal black shorts today... -1 "toga" (black tubedress plus cloth? lol) from flyer's flea today -1 damn cute necklace!!! :D from same flea
i suppose that's enough for now?? :D
BUT i kinda finished the $300 that dad gave me for CNY stuff alrdy!!, and i still need $$$ for...
-dental yishun? *can claim!! -repair camera (buy batt/ charger?) -french manicure at mum's friend's parlour -eyebrow threading somewhere, somehow -trim my hair yishun?
i think i need another $100? ))): plus Dad's 50th is comingggg! HOWWW?!
*though my pay just came :D
======================
Things i've been thinking about....
1) Further Studies. went to Kaplan's roadshow today... smaller than i thought...
but in conclusion, i still think overseas is better. i literally asked her to psycho me over... but she failed to for various reasons.
and as my financial tightness begins to loosen its creases over my forehead... i start sourcing again. for i dont wanna make a wrong decision, costly consequences as it is... ):
*somehow no matter how sometimes i doubt the path i chose... BHMS i mean. my doubted investigations always suggest its the best choice i have for what i want... im still keeping my options open though lol.
2) The Dream Job... i wonder if i get lazy and settle for banking lol. after money rolls in just like that? *it's not a bad fall back actually... (: should i? lol.
then again, when is the best time to leave? i wanna plan everything seamlessly. wasting no time but yet deliberately planning for time to rest... *it affects when i should apply for uni...
yeahs, considering the bonus... i keep meeting people saying i should collect my bonus first. rofl. and i think so too... oh wells.
on another note, i hope i've got the guts, and the enough stubbornness to wanna try again. how?
=======================
on another note, i miss my freshies (: *they're literally like bros & sis to me!
my clique. *where on earth is everyone? and... sighs.
my mayrissa & huiqi. *miss our girls' outings :D
my jbt! *miss our gossip sessions.... :P
sometimes i feel super lonely. sometimes i feel left alone. sometimes i feel hidden. sometimes i feel that it's simply impossible. sometimes i feel like giving up. sometimes i know it's okay, i can give up. sometimes i tell myself i can do it. sometimes i feel like i've done my best. sometimes i feel like there's hope. sometimes i feel free. sometimes i feel happy. sometimes i feel protected. sometimes i feel lucky. sometimes i feel unfortunate. sometimes i feel lost. sometimes i need a hug. sometimes i need you to tell my it'll be ok. sometimes i need you to hear my rants. sometimes i need to share my smile. sometimes where are you?
lol. random.
Love Becca, oh does it even matter anymore? (:
becca (: ♥
8:39 PM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
thinking...
hehs. just browsed a little of one of my friend's blog very randomly, and kinda felt inspired.
oh wells, i dont really treat my blog like that. it's more of a hideyhole for rants & random thoughts, that i kinda get lazy to bother my friends and family about. lol. *very rightBrainly - for free expressions rather than good impressions. (:
whirling thoughts in the recent days...
how long will i stay with HXXX... rembr the harsh truth is that, it's only a leverage. but will i get tempted to stay beyond, get lazy, and forgo my dreams?
i used to tell myself, only a guy can do that to me LOL. but considering the good pay, the comfortable environmt, the benefits & welfare, a little bit tempted to stay a little more longer i would say!
*at least until i get my 1st bonus? considering i think they pay quite well? :P
how about my Aussie days? hahahs, my eye never fails to stare at the exchange rate i put on my home desktop everytime i log in!! it's falling, and im rejoicing! makes it less hard for me to reach that $60k! ((:
a part of me always dims when i see a friend or whoever leaving the country for studies abroad... like when will it be my turn? be it same course/ country... it's like never coming... *pouts* *patience, is what i dont have hahahs!
but the more critical pt is... is it really worth forking out all this gold for it? like i could be happy shaking leg with all this money that i dont need now ahhahas, if i dont go Aussie. or would i not be? lol :X
how abt my so almost dream-come-true 21st bday? hahahs, like a bit the ex lah hor... but for the fun of it, not like i got so much money to throw...
although daddy says he wanna sponsor, but i dont think i wanna just squander his money like that... oh wells.
should i start booking the place & making plans now? or just think of another solution? *considering this is one of the reasons/ goals, i consoled myself with, when all else seemed doomed... :X
that one dream that matters so much it pricks me hard. i guess there's still a part of me that is not over that pt of failure. even though i've kinda picked myself up and move to other things.
i never really stepped into airport anymore, i hate it when people start "complimenting", hey you look like an.... blahs.. OR why you never go and try... blahhs... *wahs, just demoralised hao bu hao.
or perhaps the truth is, though i try to console myself that i'll try again after i grad from my deg... it feels like im sending myself to the dementor chamber ): grrr.
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work's been pretty okay these days... one conclusion: si bu liao! (wont die wan.)
thought these days i get alot of draggy & super suay complicated transactions... i just tell myself si bu liao lorrr... :X
next month, suayness zueh zueh.. i'm working on cny sat!
and seated at Premier counter =.= what's worse?
si bu liao. :S jiayou
next week is crazy... because i somehow got volunteered in as well... to do a pfmce for CNY @ old folks home... lol. so been staying back for practises to some oldie song..
shall see how it goes bahhhs (:
also thinking if i should change to Iphone corporate plan... zZzZ
LOVE BECCA (: nothing to lose, only to gain. come on becca~!
becca (: ♥
6:47 PM
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Welcome to 2011 of my life :D
it's the 2nd day of the new year,but it has like not really kicked into me actually.lol.
considering i also missed the countdown, *due to some very lame lame stuff that happened lolll!
my past week... was DAMN HAPPENING...
*happening until im broke by -$250 this Dec 2010!! ): twice my expected expenditure.
Christmas was already a 5-day full of parties after work... then come New year.
29th had dance pract for the charity event i signed up tgt with my colleagues for cny... rofl, we are dancing to CNY songs... with salsa-like moves. ahhahas damn fun (: *considering we are all dance-noobs! hahas!
30th went back to sch to visit OTC. missed my freshies. and always wanted see my freshies become gls (: *the feeling is just awesome. :D
though as always, the tp spirit is dying by generation... sighs. but at least we did what we could?
31st half day of work only!! super suay to have one last customer who took so much of my time ): siann only. then went meet Elaine they all, whom i waited for for like 1hr, considering the half hr of sleep @ koufu =.= *super lack of sleep ):
